He had obviously hurt Lottë deeply but why? He had to offer her a way out even though life would not be worth living without her. He had to. It was the only decent, honourable thing to do. Then her words came back to him. 'You're my life. If nothing else this morning has shown me that you're that'."Oh God! What have I done? How could I have been so stupid, so heartless, so bloody selfish? I wasn't thinking of her, of her unconditional love. I was thinking as I might have thought of me, not her. I got more confident as the game progressed. I suggested we went to the outdoor fitness equipment that the school had and carry on playing there. This was still in close proximity with the police station so we still had to be cautious.I decided that I had to make a move so I confidently dared her to go on one piece of apparatus in nothing but her underwear. She agreed to this but said I had to look away. She then completed her dare with me facing the other way. I turned round just as she was. After I washed my hair and got out, I started to think about what I was going to wear. He said ‘comfy’, but there was no way I was going to wear my sweats with him dressed like that. I went with a little black dress that I had that was actually pretty comfortable and sexy at the same time. I did my hair really quick, added on a dash of makeup, and walked back into the kitchen barefoot. He had set the table and had the spaghetti on our plates and as I walked in, he was just putting the garlic. He fell while climbing.Time slowed as I'd watched him plummet, a moment of stark truth, waking me momentarily from nineteen years of dreaming. My mind repeating the words, "he's dead, he's dead." He wasn't though, the drifted snow broke his fall.Standing with Clare in her house was like that moment of aliveness on the mountainside — but at the opposite end of the emotional spectrum. I had swallowed the red pill. It was enlightenment. My senses became acutely attuned, almost raw. We kissed and.
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