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“This would be the perfect time to yell ‘catfight’ but I’ll let it pass unnoticed,” I said.“If I had the time I’d give your mother a proper beatdown,” Aunt Lisa said.“Please, you haven’t been in a fight since we were kids, and I beat you up then,” mom said.“You don’t know what I do in my spare time, I could be an MMA fighter, you don’t know.”“Not with those funbags sitting on your chest you’re not.”“Yeah yeah, I’ll be back later and we can test it out to see who comes out on top.”“You got about. When no one moved to do anything she said, in a flat, stern, lawyer voice, “Let me say this very clearly. You will release my client immediately. If you fail to do so this audio and the live video feed will air on CNN in less than ten minutes from now.”Yeah, ok. They are really damn slow around here. Assholes. I wonder if I could get away with demanding they post “slow adults working” signs around the police station as part of the settlement?Their big shot lawyer told her, “Bluster all you wish. My ma used to tell me if I didn’t get to sleep when she said then the vamps would come and get me. They’re like bloodbirds or nightowls, just stories to scare kids. Why’d you ask?” “Oh, no reason.” I changed the subject to the latest steamscraper bump and that got him talking again. He rambled from one thing to the next as I sipped my drink, watching the hour hand grind round on the clock set into the countertop until it finally reached eight. I stood up and thanked him for his time, heading. “Ingrid, I want you to drive over here as soon as possible, with Andy. You will help me with the house here for a couple weeks, and we’ll celebrate his seventeenth here as well.”“Mother, I can’t leave work at a moment’s notice.” It was the closest thing to a refusal I could say to her.“Andy assures me you have a competent underling. The solution is simple, hire a temp to help her while you help me.”“Mom, we don’t have the budget.” I tried.“You’ll figure something out. I didn’t raise a complete.
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