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The ego defends against love, not fear. Pain in relationships can be perversely comfortable pain, in that is one we know. We’re used to it. I once heard a tape by Ram Dass, an American spiritual teacher, in which he told of seeing a newspaper article about an abused baby being taken away from his mother. As a police matron tried to take the baby, he kept struggling to remain in his mother’s arms. Although his mother was the one who beat him, she was the one he knew. He was used to her. He. Having no one to ask, I called the society watchman and told him of my requirement and the very next day he brought a slightly aged woman. I was not too pleased to see her and I did not say no to her face but told the watchman that I will think and let him know. I guess he understood my reluctance. So in the evening when I came back from officeHe was knocking at my door with a lady of my age, decently dressed. I took one look at her from top to toe. Slightly dark but pleasant features but. Give them a while and they'll slowly start to come around." I'll believe that when I see it," he said, starting to feel guilty now for enjoying her touch upon his leg and not doing anything about it. What would Chrissie think if she saw this or heard about it? Despite the estrangement between them, he did not wish to lose her. And though he could pretend that Michelle was just caressing his leg in friendship, he knew, even through his haze of drunkenness, that that was not really the case.As if. That's what he called them...privileges. Up until then, Iconsidered them part and parcel of my birthright. It was so frustrating tohave the door to the study closed to me...to have every door in the houseother than my own and the common areas closed to me. Especially after mymother was checked into a "wellness clinic" for "exhaustion". I guess whenyou're rich enough you don't get put away for pill addiction, you just takea permanent vacation. And with her gone, my step-father wasted no time.
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